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The woman-led CNC sex party network

Ever sat on the borders of an orgy, feeling kind of disappointed about how eager everyone is? You're not alone - this is what prompted our female founder to organize this network.

CNC is a disproportionately female-preferred kink, and RedMeansNo exists to give women a safe space to explore arousal that might be less welcomed in more traditional spaces.

Our events are designed to be celebratory spaces to both ignore the "nos" of others, and have your own "nos" ignored. 


These are not events to actually violate consent! While we're attempting to create the feeling of nonconsent, actual consent violations are strictly forbidden. We require strict adherence to our rules and party structure, and lot of careful attention from attendees. 

At our events, red means no - strictly, absolutely, and without exception. If for some reason a participant cannot speak, triple taps are the equivalent to "red." We run practices and demonstrations for this at the beginning of our events. 

Many varieties of consensual-nonconsent are welcome, from gentle to subtly coercive to rough. It's okay if you don't want to be rough, the only stipulation is that you are okay witnessing other people be rough (within limits, listed below). You can also participate in non-kinky interactions, too! 

How It Works

By entering and wearing a wristband, you give default consent to all the actions listed in the "list of things" section.

You can customize your experience! By wearing colored wristbands, you indicate openness to experiences from specific genders. Black wristbands indicate that you have hard limits against things on the default consent list, and that someone must check your dossier before engaging with you.

You are encouraged to fill out a dossier beforehand, where you can detail your hard limits if you have any, as well as preferences or tips. People are not obligated to read your dossier unless you have a black wristband.

If any part of your body is off limits, you can cover them with black tape (provided at the event). 

And remember, consent is always revokable at any time with the word "red."

Your Role

If you're attending as an active role:
This is a safe space for you to explore ignoring 'no's. The receivers here actively want you to push their (apparent) limits and ignore their resistance or lack of apparent enthusiasm. This can be scary, but they have full power to end the scene, and we ask you to trust that they will exercise that power if they need to, and that you will respect their limits if they do. 

If you're attending as a receiver:
You're here to get your (apparent) limits pushed and your resistance ignored. You still have full control over your experience (via wristbands, dossiers, and the word 'red'). Please come fully willing to express your boundaries. Those in active roles here don't want to actually violate you, and you're doing them a favor by letting them know what your actual limits are.


For obvious reasons, we ask for full privacy around these events. Please don't share the names of anyone attending with anyone else. There will be strictly no recordings allowed.  We may also ask you to sign some "I take this seriously and won't disclose anybody's identities" form at the event.

Default Consent List

Default consent given to:

  • Kissing

  • Spanking

  • Groping

  • Clothing removal

  • Mild to moderate hair pulling

  • Oral sex (without condoms)

  • Mild facefucking

  • Penetration (with lubricated fingers or condom'd genitals)

  • Light biting

  • Light/mild bondage (e.g., quick ties)

  • Light pain (e.g., mild nipple pinching)

  • Pinning, manhandling, or wrestling

Of Limits Things (You can opt-in via dossiers)

  • Anal sex, penetration, or touching the anus

  • Spitting

  • Degredation

  • Moderate pain (over 5/10)

  • Hard biting

  • Intense facefucking

  • Discomfort positions (e.g., positions that place heavy strain on joints)

  • Gags

  • Dry penetration

  • Severe bondage (full body restraints, immobility, suspension)

  • Long-term bondage (leaving someone in restraints for more than 5 minutes)

  • Bruises or marks that will last more than 3 hours

  • Mild electrical play

  • Penetration with objects not intended for penetration

  • Genital penetration without a condom

  • Safe choking

  • Safe face slapping

Off Limits Things (no exceptions)

  • Breaking skin/blood

  • Severe pain (over 7/10)

  • Bodyshaming, even if done as part of sexy degradation

  • Recordings, photo/video

  • Vomit, piss, scat

  • No permanent damage or modification (e.g., scarring, hair cutting)

  • Knives, guns, weapons

  • Contact with body parts covered by black tape

  • Anything that might significantly distress people around you

Sexual Health

We ask you get STI tested within 5 weeks of an event. If you have any STIs, we have a communal document to have shared understanding of risk, and you can set your own risk levels in the dossiers.


For more information, apply to the event, and we'll share the full, carefully detailed list of rules, procedures, processes, and expectations if you're accepted.

We run exercises at the beginning of events, and will ask you to sign a consent form/liability waiver upon entering.

Events are hosted a few times a year in different cities in the US, but concentrated in the bay area

We won't message you if you were denied. Approval can take a long time.

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