Ever sat on the borders of an orgy, feeling kind of disappointed about how eager everyone is? You're not alone - this is what prompted us to start Red Means No, an orgy series with bodice-ripper vibes.
CNC is a disproportionately female-preferred kink, and RMN exists to give women a safe space to explore arousal that might be less welcomed in more traditional spaces.
Our events are designed to be spaces to both ignore the "nos" of others, and have your own "nos" ignored.
Consent
These are not events to actually violate consent! While we're attempting to create the feeling of nonconsent, actual consent violations are strictly forbidden. We require strict adherence to our rules and party structure, and lot of careful attention from attendees.
At our events, red means no - strictly, absolutely, and without exception. If for some reason a participant cannot speak, triple taps are the equivalent to "red." We run practices and demonstrations for this at the beginning of our events.
Many varieties of consensual-nonconsent are welcome, from gentle to subtly coercive to rough. It's okay if you don't want to be rough, the only stipulation is that you are okay witnessing other people be rough (within limits, listed below). You can also participate in non-kinky interactions, too!
How It Works
By entering and wearing a wristband, you give default consent to all the actions listed in the "list of things" section.
You can customize your experience! By wearing colored wristbands, you indicate openness to experiences from specific genders. If you don't want to opt in to everything on the Default Consent list, you can wear a badge which people must read before engaging with you.
You are encouraged to fill out a dossier beforehand, where you can detail your hard limits if you have any, as well as preferences or tips. People are not obligated to read your dossier, so make sure you also include any custom instructions on your badge!
If any part of your body is off limits, you can cover them with black tape (provided at the event).
And remember, consent is always revokable at any time with the word "red."
Your Role
If you're attending as a predator:
This is a safe space for you to explore ignoring 'no's. The receivers here actively want you to push their (apparent) limits and ignore their resistance or lack of apparent enthusiasm. This can be scary, but they have full power to end the scene, and we ask you to trust that they will exercise that power if they need to, and that you will respect their limits if they do.
If you're attending as prey:
You're here to get your (apparent) limits pushed and your resistance ignored. You still have full control over your experience (via wristbands, dossiers, and the word 'red'). Please come fully willing to express your boundaries. Those in predator roles don't want to actually violate you, and you're doing them a favor by letting them know what your actual limits are.
Privacy
For obvious reasons, we ask for full privacy around these events. Please don't share the names of anyone attending with anyone else. There will be strictly no recordings allowed. We may also ask you to sign some "I take this seriously and won't disclose anybody's identities" form at the event.
Default Consent List
Default consent given to:
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Kissing
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Groping
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Disrobing
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Sensory deprivation (blindfolds, earplugs)
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Cunnilingus
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Blow jobs / Light facefucking (without condoms)
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Vaginal penetration (with condoms and lubrication)
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Cumming on face/body (externally)
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Cumming in mouth
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Moderate Spanking
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Moderate hair pulling
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Wrestling
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Light pain (1-5/10)
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Light biting
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Light bondage
Off Limits Things (but permitted with negotiation. *only if studied and experienced)
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Spitting
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Degradation (not including body-shaming and race-shaming, which are disallowed entirely)
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Clothing destruction
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Gags (purpose-made, not improvised)
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Intense facefucking
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Unprotected vaginal penetration
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Unlubricated vaginal penetration
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Penetration with misc. (non-sex toy) objects
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Anal contact
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Anal penetration
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Heavy spanking
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Discomfort positions (e.g. that strain joints)
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Light electricity
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Moderate pain (6-7/10)
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Hard biting
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Threats of serious harm or off-limits activities
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Long-term bondage
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Severe bondage (full-body restraints, immobility, suspension*)
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Moderate beatings*
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Light choking*
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Light face slapping*
Off Limits Things (no exceptions, even if all parties enthusiastically consent)
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Recordings of any kind
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Body-shaming, race-shaming
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Severe pain (8+/10)
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Vomit, piss, scat
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Cutting, blood
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Weapons (knives, guns)
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Permanent modification (scarring, hair cutting)
Sexual Health
We have STI testing requirements! They shift a bit as we negotiate our communal risk levels, but generally require testing 6 weeks before the event, and testing for HSV 6 months before the event. (It's fine to attend if you have HSV, but you're required to know your status and disclose this to partners).
We also we have a communal document to have shared understanding of risk, and you can set your own risk levels in the dossiers.
More
For more information, apply to the event, and we'll share the full, carefully detailed list of rules, procedures, processes, and expectations if you're accepted.
We run exercises at the beginning of events, and will ask you to sign a consent form/liability waiver upon entering.